| All of the quotes on file: |
| Index |
Text |
| 1 | "Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity."
-Anonymous |
| 2 | "Only two things are infinite- the universe and human stupidity- and I'm not sure about the former."
-Albert Einstein |
| 3 | "Nothing in the world is more dangerous than sincere ignorance and consciencious stupidity."
-Martin Luther King- Jr. |
| 4 | "Men are born ignorant- not stupid. They are made stupid by education."
-Bertrand Russell |
| 5 | "Only the wisest and stupidest of men never change."
-Confucius |
| 6 | "The trouble with the world is that the stupid are cocksure and the intelligent are full of doubt."
-Bertrand Russell |
| 7 | "Success in almost any field depends more on energy and drive than it does on intelligence. This explains why we have so many stupid leaders."
-Sloan Wilson |
| 8 | "A stupid child is ruin to a father- and a wife"
-The Bible: Hebrew- Proverbs 19:13 |
| 9 | "Stupid is as stupid does."
-Forrest Gump |
| 10 | "Stupid as a man-' say the women: 'cowardly as a woman-' say the men. Stupidity in a woman is unwomanly."
-Friedrich Nietzsche |
| 11 | "The stupid neither forgive nor forget- the smart forgive- but never forget"
-Thomas Szasz |
| 12 | "When a stupid man is doing something he is ashamed of- he always declares that it is his duty."
-George Bernard Shaw |
| 13 | "To be stupid and selfish and to have good health are the three requirements for happiness- though if stupidity is lacking- the others are useless."
-Gustave Flaubert |
| 14 | "There is no cure for stupid wives and willful children."
-Chinese proverb |
| 15 | "A clever wife often sleeps with a stupid husband."
-Chinese proverb |
| 16 | "Unless one pretends to be stupid and deaf- it is difficult to be a mother-in-law or father-in-law."
-Chinese proverb |
| 17 | "You even called me stupid in your verse- and I"
-Franz Grillparzer |
| 18 | "Whenever a man does a thoroughly stupid thing- it is always from the noblest motives."
-Oscar Wilde |
| 19 | "One always has the idea of a stupid man as perfectly healthy and ordinary- and of illness as making one refined and clever and unusual."
-Thomas Mann |
| 20 | "The only thing that ever consoles man for the stupid things he does is the praise he always gives himself for doing them."
-Oscar Wilde |
| 21 | "I had rather be an oyster than a man- the most stupid and senseless of animals."
-George Berkeley |
| 22 | "It is dangerous to be sincere unless you are also stupid."
-George Bernard Shaw |
| 23 | "We have no words for speaking of wisdom to the stupid. He who understands the wise is wise already."
-G.C. Lichtenberg |
| 24 | "There are only two races on this planet-the intelligent and the stupid."
-John Fowles |
| 25 | "One must be a little foolish- if one does not want to be even more stupid."
-Michel de Montaigne |
| 26 | "Only in Britain could it be thought a defect to be 'too clever by half.' The probability is that too many people are too stupid by three-quarters."
-John Major |
| 27 | "What is the difference between a husband and a boyfriend? Forty-five Minutes" |
| 28 | "What do you do if your best friend runs off with your husband? Thank her." |
| 29 | "When do you care for a man's company? When he owns it." |
| 30 | "Why do men get married?? So they don't have to hold their stomachs in anymore" |
| 31 | "What do men and used cars have in common? They are both easy to get- cheap- and totally unrealiable." |
| 32 | "Why are men like the weather. Nothing can be done to change either of them." |
| 33 | "What do you call an intelligent- good looking- sensitive man? A fairy tale." |
| 34 | "What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name? You didn't hold the pillow down long enough." |
| 35 | "What should you give a man who has everything? A woman to show him how to use it." |
| 36 | "Why are blonde jokes so short? So men can remember them." |
| 37 | "How do men exercise on the beach? By sucking in their stomachs every time they see a pretty girl." |
| 38 | "How do you get a man to stop nibling his nails? Make him wear shoes." |
| 39 | "What do you call a man with an IQ of 50? Gifted!" |
| 40 | "How does a man plan for the future? He subscribes to two years of playboy instead of one." |
| 41 | "Why do men whistle when they're sitting on the toilet? Because it helps them remember which end they need to wipe." |
| 42 | "Why do only 10% of men make it to heaven? Because if they all went- it would be Hell." |
| 43 | "How is Colonel Sanders like the typical male? All he's concerned with is legs- breasts and thighs." |
| 44 | "Why is psychoanalysis a lot quicker for men than for women? When it's time to go back to his childhood- he's already there." |
| 45 | "How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb? Three. One to screw in the bulb- and two to listen to him brag about how good he screws." |
| 46 | "How many men does it take to tile a bathroom? Only one. If you slice him very thinly." |
| 47 | "What did God say after creating man? Geez...I can do better than that!" |
| 48 | "What do most men consider a gourmet restaurant? Any place with eating utensils and chairs." |
| 49 | "What do you call a handcuffed man? Trustworthy." |
| 50 | "What do men and mascara have in common? They both run when women cry!" |
| 51 | "What do you instantly know about a well-dressed man? His wife picked his clothes!" |
| 52 | "What has ten arms and an IQ of 50? Five guys watching a football game." |
| 53 | "What is the difference between men and women? A woman wants one man to satisfy her every need. A man wants every woman to satisfy his one need." |
| 54 | "What's a man's idea of honestly in a relationship? Telling you his real name." |
| 55 | "What's the best way to force a man to do sit ups? Put the remote control between his toes." |
| 56 | "What's the best way to torture a man to death? Put a sexy blonde and a six-pack in front of him. Then tell him he can only pick one." |
| 57 | "What's the difference between Big Foot and intelligent man? Big Foot's been spotted several times." |
| 58 | "What's the smartest thing a man can say? My wife says..." |
| 59 | "What's the quickest way to a man's heart? Straight through the rib cage." |
| 60 | "Why are all dumb blonde jokes one liners? So men can understand them." |
| 61 | "Why can't men get mad cow disease? Because they're all pigs." |
| 62 | "Why did God create man before woman? Practice makes perfect!" |
| 63 | "Why do female black widow spiders kill the males after mating? To stop the snoring before it starts." |
| 64 | "Why do little boys whine? Because they are practicing to be men." |
| 65 | "Why do men like smart women? Opposites attract." |
| 66 | "Why do men need instant replay on TV sports? Because after 30 seconds they forget what happened." |
| 67 | "What do you say when you find a sensitive caring man? Hello- how's your boyfriend?" |
| 68 | "What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night? A widow." |
| 69 | "What do men and sperm have in common? They both have one in a million chance of becoming a human being" |
| 70 | "What's a man's definition of a romantic evening? Sex." |
| 71 | "My girlfriend always laughs during sex --no matter what she's reading. -Steve Jobs (Founder- Apple Computers)" |
| 72 | "Don't knock masturbation" |
| 73 | "Lord- grant me chastity and continence... but not yet. -St. Augustine" |
| 74 | "I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful- natural- wholesome things that money can buy. -Tom Clancy" |
| 75 | "You know that look women get when they want sex? Me neither. -Steve Martin" |
| 76 | "Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner- you'd better have a good hand. -Woody Allen" |
| 77 | "Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night. -Rodney Dangerfield" |
| 78 | "There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal- particularly in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz 380SL. -Lynn Lavner" |
| 79 | "Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope. -George Burns" |
| 80 | "Sex is one of the nine reasons for reincarnation. The other eight are unimportant. -George Burns" |
| 81 | "Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake whole relationships. -Sharon Stone" |
| 82 | "My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch. -Jack Nicholson" |
| 83 | "Ah- yes- divorce- from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet. -Robin Williams" |
| 84 | "Women complain about premenstrual syndrome- but I think of it as the only time of the month that I can be myself. -Roseanne" |
| 85 | "Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place. -Billy Crystal" |
| 86 | "There's very little advice in men's magazines- because men think- I know what I'm doing. Just show me somebody naked. -Jerry Seinfeld" |
| 87 | "Sex alleviates tension. Love causes it. -Woody Allen" |
| 88 | "See- the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis- and only enough blood to run one at a time. -Robin Williams" |
| 89 | "My family never raised me to have a vagina. -Roseanne" |
| 90 | "An intellectual is a person who has discovered something more interesting than sex. -Aldous Huxley" |
| 91 | "Did you ever notice the people who are most adamantly against abortions are people you wouldn't want to fuck in the first place? -George Carlin" |
| 92 | "Of the delights of this world man cares most for sexual intercourse- yet he has left it out of his heaven. -Mark Twain" |
| 93 | "One half of the world cannot understand the pleasures of the other. -Jane Austen" |
| 94 | "Sex concentrates on what is on the outside of the individual. It's funny because I think it's better inside. -Alex Walsh" |
| 95 | "When a man goes on a date- he wonders if he is going to get lucky. A woman already knows. -Frederike Ryder" |
| 96 | "Be careful whose toes you step on today because they might be connected to the foot that kicks your ass tomorrow" |
| 97 | "I am free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.-" |
| 98 | "My opinions may have changed- but not the fact that I'm right." |
| 99 | "Those are my principles. If you don't like them I have others." |
| 100 | "I'm not anti-social- I just don't like you" |
| 101 | "We are all going to hell- and I am driving the bus" |
| 102 | "You shouldn't compare yourself to others they are more screwed up than you think." |
| 103 | "The people you care most about in life are taken from you too soon and all the less important ones never go away." |
| 104 | "I can either be your best friend or your worst enemy." |
| 105 | "We crush the caterpillars then complain there are no butterflies" |
| 106 | "I'm not a tease- Im just a reminder of what you can't have" |
| 107 | "If it doesn't fit force it- if it breaks it needed replaced anyway" |
| 108 | "Enjoy life. There's plenty of time to be dead." |
| 109 | "I don't want to achieve immortality thru my work. I want to achieve immortality thru not dying" |
| 110 | "Ugliness is superior to beauty because it lasts." |
| 111 | "I went on a diet- swore off drinking and heavy eating- and in fourteen days I lost two weeks" |
| 112 | "Don't give other people a piece of your mind unless you can afford it." |
| 113 | "Foresight is knowing when to shut your mouth before someone suggests it." |
| 114 | "If you can smile when things go wrong- you have someone in mind to blame." |
| 115 | "Madness takes its toll. Please have exact change" |
| 116 | "Good friends will help you move. REALLY good friends will help you move bodies." |
| 117 | "If at first you don't succeed- skydiving is not for you." |
| 118 | "I have not failed. I've just found 10-000 ways that won't work." |
| 119 | "Lies circle the earth while Truth is still trying to put on its shoes." |
| 120 | "I wanna be different just like everyone else" |
| 121 | "It is better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt" |
| 122 | "I believe that imagination is more important than knowledge." |
| 123 | "You can't argue with a sick mind" |
| 124 | "You're only young once- but you can be immature the rest of your life" |
| 125 | "If Barbie is so popular- why do you have to buy her friends?" |
| 126 | "I used to have a handle on life- but it broke" |
| 127 | "If at first you don't succeed- destroy all evidence that you tried" |
| 128 | "I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car" |
| 129 | "Every piece of paper has two good sides... Unless you use magic marker then you're fucked" |
| 130 | "When faced with a difficult task- pass it on to a lazy person and she'll figure out an easier way to accomplish it." |
| 131 | "Dont underestimate the power of stupid people in large numbers" |
| 132 | "A good friend will bail you out of jail- but a best friend will be in the next cell saying that was fucking awesome" |
| 133 | "What do sheep count when they can't sleep?" |
| 134 | "guys are like roses- watch out for the pricks..." |
| 135 | "Fighting for peace is like fucking for virginity" |
| 136 | "It takes 42 muscles to frown and only four to extend my middle finger and tell you to bite me." |
| 137 | "Do you believe in love at first site? Or should I walk by again" |
| 138 | "Everyones entitled to be stupid but you are abusing the privilege" |
| 139 | "Last night I was looking at the stars and I was wondering where the heck is my ceiling!" |
| 140 | "Did you fall down the ugly tree and hit every branch on your way down!" |
| 141 | "They say true love hides behind every Corner...I must be walking in Circles!" |
| 142 | "Im an angel! Honest! The horns are just there to keep the halo up straight!" |
| 143 | "4 out of 5 voices in my head say go back to sleep" |
| 144 | "I can only please one person per day- today is not your day and tomorrow doesn't look good either." |
| 145 | "Ever stop to think- and forget to start again?" |
| 146 | "I am not a player...I'm the game" |
| 147 | "I'm not a blonde! I'm knot! I'm knot! I'm knot!" |
| 148 | "I Know I'm Not Perfect- but I'm So Close it scares me~! ~" |
| 149 | "I smile because I have no idea what is going on" |
| 150 | "I dont need Your Attitude- I Have One of My Own" |
| 151 | "I'm not weird! I'm gifted" |
| 152 | "You're only bad if you're caught... So that makes me a good girl- RIGHT!" |
| 153 | "What a shame...looks like the ugly fairy kissed you on both cheeks!" |
| 154 | "CLICK YOUR HEELS AND SAY I NEED A LIFE- I NEED A LIFE" |
| 155 | "Before you criticize someone- you should walk a mile in her shoes. That way- when you criticize them- you're a mile away and you have their shoes." |
| 156 | "Hooked on funiks worked far me- Kant cha tell?" |
| 157 | "DON'T LOOK AT ME IN THAT TONE OF VOICE" |
| 158 | "Success comes before work... only in the dictionary" |
| 159 | "Never fight with an ugly person - they have nothing to loose!" |
| 160 | "Do vegetarians eat animal crackers?" |
| 161 | "Everyone gets a chance in the spotlight- you can have it when I'm done!" |
| 162 | "Big Girls dont cry - They get even!" |
| 163 | "NO OFFICER THERE'S NO BLOOD IN MY ALCOHOL SYSTEM!" |
| 164 | "In some cultures what I do is considered normal" |
| 165 | "Even if the voices are not real- they have some good ideas." |
| 166 | "Roses are red violets are blue sugar is sweet and so are you- but the roses are wilting- the violets are dead the sugar bowls empty and so is your head" |
| 167 | "If you don't like the way I drive- get off the sidewalk" |
| 168 | "Mirrors don't talk and lucky for you they don't laugh!" |
| 169 | "I don't come with dice-so don't play me." |
| 170 | "This is an inside joke and your on the outside!" |
| 171 | "That's all right- that's okay- you're going to pump my gas someday!" |
| 172 | "Don't think of it as losing- think of it as getting beat by a girl" |
| 173 | "Don't Treat Me Any Differently than You Would the Queen" |
| 174 | "EVIL is just LIVE spelled backwards" |
| 175 | "Life isn't a garden...so stop being a hoe!" |
| 176 | "Roses are red violets are blue I'm schizophrenic and so am I!" |
| 177 | "Some mistakes are too much fun to only make once!" |
| 178 | "I never knew my father was an alcoholic until he came home sober one night..." |
| 179 | "Winston- you are drunk. - Lady Astor Yes my dear- but you are ugly- and in the morning I shall be sober - Winston Churchill" |
| 180 | "It's not true that life is one damn thing after another. It's the same damn thing over and over." |
| 181 | "How many frickin' times do I have to say- 'In the form of a question'- people?!? - Alex Trebek" |
| 182 | "I no longer wish to belong to the kind of club that accepts people like me as members - Groucho Marx" |
| 183 | "Even if you're on the right track- you'll get run over if you just sit there." |
| 184 | "I like to tell people I have the heart of a small boy. Then I say it's in a jar on my desk. - Stephen King" |
| 185 | "I get to go to lots of overseas places- like Canada. - Britney Spears" |
| 186 | "Drugs cause amnesia and other things I can't remember" |
| 187 | "How can there be self-help GROUPS?" |
| 188 | "What if you're in hell- and you're mad at someone- where do you tell them to go?" |
| 189 | "Save Your Breath ... You'll need it to blow up your date" |
| 190 | "Hey! Quit hogging all the ugly!" |
| 191 | "Don't go away mad- just go away!" |
| 192 | "We're having creative differences. I'm creative- you're different" |
| 193 | "Don't talk about yourself so much... we'll do that when you leave." |
| 194 | "I'd like to see things your way- but I'm not sure if I can stick my head that far up my ass." |
| 195 | "What is your worst sin? My vanity. I spend hours before the mirror admiring my beauty. That isn't vanity- dear- that's imagination." |
| 196 | "If your parents got a divorce would they still be brother and sister?" |
| 197 | "It's a beautiful world but everyone's insane." |
| 198 | "~Is Santa so jolly because he knows where all the bad girls live?" |
| 199 | "It's not that I don't like you! It's just that when I'm not behind the mic I'm a person just like you!" |
| 200 | "A guy talks dirty to a women and its sexual harassement. A women talks dirty to a guy and its $3.95 a min." |
| 201 | "Drug laws create criminals" |
| 202 | "Your friends are worth more than you think--$7.99 at least" |
| 203 | "Always forgive your enemies-nothing annoys them so much." |
| 204 | "If you need space- join NASA- baby" |
| 205 | "Its not an attitude -its the way I am" |
| 206 | "Sure- a woman can fake an orgasm- but it takes a man to fake a whole relationship."
-anonymous |
| 207 | "Thats what I like about these high school girls I keep getting older they stay the same age."
-anonymous |
| 208 | "A woman- an ass- and a walnut tree- Bring the more fruit- the more beaten they be."
-ENGLISH PROVERB (16TH CENTURY) |
| 209 | "There are no feminists when the lifeboats are lowered"
-Pers Manifesto |
| 210 | "Women need a reason to have sex -- men just need a place."
-Billy Crystal. |
| 211 | "A man loses his sense of direction after four drinks- a woman loses hers after four kisses."
-H.L. Mencken (American writer- 1888-1956) |
| 212 | "When women hold off from marrying men- we call it independence. When men hold off from marrying women- we call it fear of commitment."
-Warren Farrell (American Psychologist) |
| 213 | "God made man before woman to give him time to think of an answer for her first question."
-anonymous |
| 214 | "Women are the decorative sex. They never have anything to say- but they say it charmingly"
-anonymous |
| 215 | "Some men are different. All women are alike."
-anonymous |
| 216 | "A woman has three reasons for everything she does. The reason she says she has- the reason she thinks she has- and the reason she really has."
-anonymous |
| 217 | "Woman: a biped with two hands- two feet- two eyes and two faces."
-anonymous |
| 218 | "Watch what people are cynical about- and one can often discover what they lack."
-George S. Patton |
| 219 | "I don't measure a man's success by how high he climbs but by how high he bounces when he hits bottom."
-George S. Patton |
| 220 | "Much more genius is needed to make love then command armies."
-Ninon De LaEnclos |
| 221 | "No man hath it in his power to over-rule the deceitfulness of a woman."
-Marguerite of Navarre |
| 222 | "Whatever is done from love always occurs beyond good and evil."
-Friedrich Nietzsche |
| 223 | "Its not true that married men live longer then unmarried men--- is just seems longer"
-anonymous |
| 224 | "A woman is as young as she looks- unless another woman is doing the looking."
-anonymous |
| 225 | "No man is ever too old to look at a woman- and no woman is ever to fat to hope that he will look."
-Mencken |
| 226 | "There are three kinds of women: those you look away from- those you look up to- and those you look around at."
-anonymous |
| 227 | "As soon as you cannot keep anything from a woman- you love her."
-Paul Geraldy |
| 228 | "It is better to have loved and lost then never to have lost at all."
-anonymous |
| 229 | "When some women grow old they lose their looks- others are not so lucky."
-anonymous |
| 230 | "The way to love anything is to realize that it might be lost."
-Chesterton |
| 231 | "No woman ever falls in love with a man unless she has a better opinion of him than he deserves."
-Ed Howe |
| 232 | "It is better to love to many than one too few."
-anonymous |
| 233 | "Love is like an hourglass- with the heart filling up as the brain empties."
-anonymous |
| 234 | "Some men fall in love- but they get out of it by marrying the girl."
-anonymous |
| 235 | "Every woman marries for love- even if its only love for money."
-anonymous |
| 236 | "Before marriage- a woman raves over a man- after marriage she raves at him."
-anonymous |
| 237 | "When a woman feels good about herself- it's called self-esteem- when a man feels good about himself- it's called an ego."
-anonymous |
| 238 | "If a man is alone in the forest and talks...is he still wrong?"
-anonymous |
| 239 | "A Man Doesn't Trust Any Bone in a Woman's Body Except His Own"
-anonymous |
| 240 | "Cats are like women- they don't listen"
-anonymous |
| 241 | "The difference betwen sex for money and sex for free is that sex for money usually costs less."
-Brendan Francis |
| 242 | "A woman occasionally is quite a serviceable substitute for masterbation. It takes an abundance of imagination- to be sure."
-Karl Kraus |
| 243 | "One sprinkles the most sugar where the tart is burnt."
-Dutch Proverb |
| 244 | "The only really happy folk are married women and single men."
-Mencken |
| 245 | "Never trust a woman or the government."
-Yellow Beard |
| 246 | "That's why breakups take two or three times- to build up immunity."
-Jerry Seinfeld |
| 247 | "Part of the inhumanity of the computer is that- once it is competently programmed and working smoothly- it is completely honest."
-Isaac Asimov |
| 248 | "Just because something doesn't do what you planned it to do doesn't mean it's useless."
-Thomas A. Edison |
| 249 | "Computers can figure out all kinds of problems- except the things in the world that just don't add up."
-Pat Conroy |
| 250 | "Education is a method whereby one acquires a higher grade of prejudices."
-Laurence J. Peter |
| 251 | "My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met."
-Rodney Dangerfield |
| 252 | "People find life entirely too time-consuming."
-Stanislaw J. Lec |
| 253 | "Before God we are all equally wise - and equally foolish."
-Albert Einstein |
| 254 | "Nothing is really work unless you would rather be doing something else."
-James M. Barrie |
| 255 | "Progress might have been all right once- but it has gone on too long."
-Ogden Nash |
| 256 | "I feel like a fugitive from the law of averages."
-William H. Mauldin |
| 257 | "There is no fate that cannot be surmounted by scorn."
-Albert Camus |
| 258 | "The reason why worry kills more people than work is that more people worry than work."
-Robert Frost |
| 259 | "Nothing is so admirable in politics as a short memory."
-John Kenneth Galbraith |
| 260 | "There's no point in being grown up if you can't be childish sometimes."
-Doctor Who |
| 261 | "Heroing is one of the shortest-lived professions there is."
-Will Rogers |
| 262 | "There is nothing more dreadful than imagination without taste."
-Johann Wolfgang von Goethe |
| 263 | "A good listener is usually thinking about something else."
-Kin Hubbard |
| 264 | "Age is not a particularly interesting subject. Anyone can get old. All you have to do is live long enough."
-Groucho Marx |
| 265 | "The right word may be effective- but no word was ever as effective as a rightly timed pause."
-Mark Twain |
| 266 | "It is better to be quotable than to be honest."
-Tom Stoppard |
| 267 | "There is something fascinating about science. One gets such wholesale returns of conjecture out of such a trifling investment of fact."
-Mark Twain |
| 268 | "It is a curious thing... that every creed promises a paradise which will be absolutely uninhabitable for anyone of civilized taste."
-Evelyn Waugh |
| 269 | "He who can- does. He who cannot- teaches."
-George Bernard Shaw |
| 270 | "Well- if crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire- what do freedom fighters fight? They never mention that part to us- do they?"
-George Carlin |
| 271 | "Don't knock the weather. If it didn't change once in a while- nine out of ten people couldn't start a conversation."
-Kin Hubbard |
| 272 | "The man of knowledge must be able not only to love his enemies but also to hate his friends."
-Friedrich Nietzsche |
| 273 | "A person is always startled when he hears himself seriously called an old man for the first time."
-Oliver Wendell Holmes |
| 274 | "Editor: a person employed by a newspaper- whose business it is to separate the wheat from the chaff- and to see that the chaff is printed."
-Elbert Hubbard |
| 275 | "Every man is wise when attacked by a mad dog- fewer when pursued by a mad woman- only the wisest survive when attacked by a mad notion."
-Robertson Davies |
| 276 | "A newspaper consists of just the same number of words- whether there be any news in it or not."
-Henry Fielding |
| 277 | "Imitation is the sincerest form of television."
-Fred Allen |
| 278 | "I have often depended on the blindness of strangers."
-Dorothy Parker |
| 279 | "The computing field is always in need of new cliches."
-Alan Perlis |
| 280 | "If I had only known- I would have been a locksmith."
-Albert Einstein |
| 281 | "Whenever you hear the consensus of scientists agrees on something or other- reach for your wallet- because you're being had."
-Michael Crichton |
| 282 | "A little sincerity is a dangerous thing- and a great deal of it is absolutely fatal."
-Oscar Wilde |
| 283 | "Of those who say nothing- few are silent."
-Thomas Neill |
| 284 | "People who have what they want are fond of telling people who haven't what they want that they really don't want it."
-Ogden Nash |
| 285 | "I love acting. It is so much more real than life."
-Oscar Wilde |
| 286 | "I can't bring myself to say- 'Well- I guess I'll be toddling along.' It isn't that I can't toddle. It's just that I can't guess I'll toddle."
-Robert Benchley |
| 287 | "Those whom the Gods would destroy- they first call promising."
-Cyril Connolly |
| 288 | "The computing field is always in need of new cliches."
-Alan Perlis |
| 289 | "Computers make it easier to do a lot of things- but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done."
-Andy Rooney |
| 290 | "The great thing about a computer notebook is that no matter how much you stuff into it- it doesn't get bigger or heavier."
-Bill Gates |
| 291 | "If computers get too powerful- we can organize them into a committee -- that will do them in."
-Bradley's Bromide |
| 292 | "Why is it drug addicts and computer afficionados are both called users?"
-Clifford Stoll |
| 293 | "Home computers are being called upon to perform many new functions- including the consumption of homework formerly eaten by the dog."
-Doug Larson |
| 294 | "Computer Science is no more about computers than astronomy is about telescopes."
-E. W. Dijkstra |
| 295 | "The question of whether a computer can think is no more interesting than the question of whether a submarine can swim."
-Edsger W. Dijkstra |
| 296 | "Not even computers will replace committees- because committees buy computers."
-Edward Shepherd Mead |
| 297 | "To err is human- but to really foul things up requires a computer."
-Farmers' Almanac |
| 298 | "I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them."
-Isaac Asimov |
| 299 | "Part of the inhumanity of the computer is that- once it is competently programmed and working smoothly- it is completely honest."
-Isaac Asimov |
| 300 | "Computers can figure out all kinds of problems- except the things in the world that just don't add up."
-James Magary |
| 301 | "The most overlooked advantage to owning a computer is that if they foul up there's no law against wacking them around a little."
-Joe Martin |
| 302 | "One would think that if you're anonymous- you'd do anything you want- but groups have their own sense of community and what we can do."
-John Allen |
| 303 | "There is no reason for any individual to have a computer in his home."
-Ken Olsen |
| 304 | "Computers are useless. They can only give you answers."
-Pablo Picasso |
| 305 | "The computer is a moron."
-Peter Drucker |
| 306 | "To err is human--and to blame it on a computer is even more so."
-Robert Orben |
| 307 | "All programmers are playwrights and all computers are lousy actors."
-Unknown |
| 308 | "In a few minutes a computer can make a mistake so great that it would have taken many men many months to equal it."
-Unknown |
| 309 | "The first step to getting the things you want out of life is this: Decide what you want."
-Ben Stein |
| 310 | "Not a shred of evidence exists in favor of the idea that life is serious."
-Brendan Gill |
| 311 | "Life is a foreign language- all men mispronounce it."
-Christopher Morley |
| 312 | "The purpose of life is to fight maturity."
-Dick Werthimer |
| 313 | "It's not true that life is one damn thing after another- it is one damn thing over and over."
-Edna St. Vincent Millay |
| 314 | "Life is just one damned thing after another."
-Elbert Hubbard |
| 315 | "Life is something that happens when you can't get to sleep."
-Fran Lebowitz |
| 316 | "Life is something that everyone should try at least once."
-Henry J. Tillman |
| 317 | "Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome."
-Isaac Asimov |
| 318 | "Life is a long lesson in humility."
-James M. Barrie |
| 319 | "Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans."
-John Lennon |
| 320 | "The secret of a good life is to have the right loyalties and hold them in the right scale of values."
-Norman Thomas |
| 321 | "Life is a fatal complaint- and an eminently contagious one."
-Oliver Wendell Holmes |
| 322 | "Life is far too important a thing ever to talk seriously about."
-Oscar Wilde |
| 323 | "Life is a zoo in a jungle."
-Peter De Vries |
| 324 | "Life is a sexually transmitted disease."
-R. D. Laing |
| 325 | "The supreme irony of life is that hardly anyone gets out of it alive."
-Robert Heinlein |
| 326 | "Life is just a bowl of pits."
-Rodney Dangerfield |
| 327 | "Life is like playing a violin in public and learning the instrument as one goes on."
-Samuel Butler |
| 328 | "We make a living by what we get- we make a life by what we give."
-Sir Winston Churchill |
| 329 | "The unexamined life is not worth living."
-Socrates |
| 330 | "Life is an unbroken succession of false situations."
-Thornton Wilder |
| 331 | "Life is a moderately good play with a badly written third act."
-Truman Capote |
| 332 | "Life is just a mirror- and what you see out there- you must first see inside of you."
-Wally 'Famous' Amos |
| 333 | "Life isn't fair. It's just fairer than death- that's all."
-William Goldman |
| 334 | "The shaft of the arrow had been feathered with one of the eagle's own plumes. We often give our enemies the means of our own destruction."
-Aesop |
| 335 | "Above all things- never be afraid. The enemy who forces you to retreat is himself afraid of you at that very moment."
-Andre Maurois |
| 336 | "Observe your enemies- for they first find out your faults."
-Antisthenes |
| 337 | "A wise man gets more use from his enemies than a fool from his friends."
-Baltasar Gracian |
| 338 | "I do not regret one professional enemy I have made. Any actor who doesn't dare to make an enemy should get out of the business."
-Bette Davis |
| 339 | "The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances: if there is any reaction- both are transformed."
-Carl Jung |
| 340 | "He hasn't an enemy in the world - but all his friends hate him."
-Eddie Cantor |
| 341 | "Never explain--your friends do not need it and your enemies will not believe you anyway."
-Elbert Hubbard |
| 342 | "You can discover what your enemy fears most by observing the means he uses to frighten you."
-Eric Hoffer |
| 343 | "At times one remains faithful to a cause only because its opponents do not cease to be insipid."
-Friedrich Nietzsche |
| 344 | "Rejoice not at thine enemy's fall - but don't rush to pick him up either."
-Jewish Proverb |
| 345 | "Forgive your enemies- but never forget their names."
-John F. Kennedy |
| 346 | "The enemy is anybody who's going to get you killed- no matter which side he's on."
-Joseph Heller |
| 347 | "The rule is perfect: in all matters of opinion our adversaries are insane."
-Mark Twain |
| 348 | "If you want to make peace- you don't talk to your friends. You talk to your enemies."
-Moshe Dayan |
| 349 | "Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake."
-Napoleon Bonaparte |
| 350 | "A man cannot be too careful in the choice of his enemies."
-Oscar Wilde |
| 351 | "Always forgive your enemies- nothing annoys them so much."
-Oscar Wilde |
| 352 | "We can learn even from our enemies."
-Ovid |
| 353 | "Use your enemy's hand to catch a snake."
-Persian Proverb |
| 354 | "Treat your friend as if he might become an enemy."
-Publilius Syrus |
| 355 | "It is hard to fight an enemy who has outposts in your head."
-Sally Kempton |
| 356 | "Money can't buy friends- but it can get you a better class of enemy."
-Spike Milligan |
| 357 | "Friends may come and go- but enemies accumulate."
-Thomas Jones |
| 358 | "I have never made but one prayer to God- a very short one: 'O Lord- make my enemies ridiculous.' And God granted it."
-Voltaire |
| 359 | "It is easier to forgive an enemy than to forgive a friend."
-William Blake |
| 360 | "The man who is swimming against the stream knows the strength of it."
-Woodrow Wilson |
| 361 | "The reason there is so little crime in Germany is that it's against the law."
-Alex Levin |
| 362 | "Crime does not pay ... as well as politics."
-Alfred E. Newman |
| 363 | "Life is nothing but a competition to be the criminal rather than the victim."
-Bertrand Russell |
| 364 | "Crooks are early adopters."
-Craig Newmark |
| 365 | "History is indeed little more than the register of the crimes- follies and misfortunes of mankind."
-Edward Gibbon |
| 366 | "Crime is naught but misdirected energy."
-Emma Goldman |
| 367 | "Obviously crime pays- or there'd be no crime."
-G. Gordon Liddy |
| 368 | "Behind every great fortune there is a crime."
-Honore de Balzac |
| 369 | "Criminal: A person with predatory instincts who has not sufficient capital to form a corporation."
-Howard Scott |
| 370 | "Going to trial with a lawyer who considers your whole life-style a Crime in Progress is not a happy prospect."
-Hunter S. Thompson |
| 371 | "A crime which is the crime of many none avenge."
-Lucan |
| 372 | "Crime guyers innocence to secure a throne- and innocence struggles with all its might against the attempts of crime."
-Maximilien Robespierre |
| 373 | "The judge is condemned when the criminal is absolved."
-Publilius Syrus |
| 374 | "The key is to commit crimes so confusing that police feel too stupid to even write a crime report about them."
-Randy K. Milholland |
| 375 | "Indeed- history is nothing more than a tableau of crimes and misfortunes."
-Voltaire |
| 376 | "Organized crime in America takes in over forty billion dollars a year and spends very little on office supplies."
-Woody Allen |
| 377 | "As far as the laws of mathematics refer to reality- they are not certain- and as far as they are certain- they do not refer to reality."
-Albert Einstein |
| 378 | "Do not worry about your difficulties in Mathematics. I can assure you mine are still greater."
-Albert Einstein |
| 379 | "Mathematics may be defined as the subject in which we never know what we are talking about- nor whether what we are saying is true."
-Bertrand Russell |
| 380 | "Mathematics- rightly viewed- possesses not only truth- but supreme beauty - a beauty cold and austere- like that of sculpture."
-Bertrand Russell |
| 381 | "Mathematics is the queen of the sciences."
-Carl Friedrich Gauss |
| 382 | "I went off to college planning to major in math or philosophy-- of course- both those ideas are really the same idea."
-Frank Wilczek |
| 383 | "In mathematics you don't understand things. You just get used to them."
-Johann von Neumann |
| 384 | "I have hardly ever known a mathematician who was capable of reasoning."
-Plato |
| 385 | "Proof is the idol before whom the pure mathematician tortures himself."
-Sir Arthur Eddington |
| 386 | "The mathematics is not there till we put it there."
-Sir Arthur Eddington |
| 387 | "We used to think that if we knew one- we knew two- because one and one are two. We are finding that we must learn a great deal more about 'and'."
-Sir Arthur Eddington |
| 388 | "Stat whores need love too!" |
| 389 | "So Final Fantasy was too hard for you- huh?" |
| 390 | "Isn't it past your bedtime- kid?" |
| 391 | "Is this really the highlight of your night?" |
| 392 | "We're taking up a collection to buy you a life. We got $5.22 so far" |
| 393 | "Score: NGLogs 1- you: 0" |
| 394 | "Medal Awarded: Show the world you have less of a life than me (20 points)" |
| 395 | "The complaint department is closed right now. If it was open- we would ignore you anyway." |
| 396 | "If you really wanna help- send me cash!" |
| 397 | "No animals were harmed in the making of this website" |
| 398 | "If corn oil comes from corn- and olive oil comes from olives- where does baby oil come from?" |
| 399 | "You're so sad. You cheat at solitaire and still lose." |
| 400 | "Want to know who loves you more - your wife or your dog? Lock them both in the trunk of your car for an hour- and when you open it- who's wagging their tail?" |
| 401 | "Ignorance may be bliss- but stupidity is forever." |
| 402 | "Im sorry- but I am much too SOBER to deal with you today." |
| 403 | "Who needs a six pack- when you can have a whole case?" |
| 404 | "If you have ever had liposuction performed with a shop vac- you might be a redneck." |
| 405 | "I am too poor to be a Republican- and no where near rich enough to be a Democrat." |
| 406 | "You are either stupid or I am crazy- but one of us aint right." |
| 407 | "Vegetarians are nature's way of providing cannibals with much needed fiber." |
| 408 | "I talk to myself because that is the only way I can have an intelligent conversation around here." |
| 409 | "I hear you and I understand what you are saying- I just dont care." |
| 410 | "Murphy's law : If anything can go wrong- it will" |
| 411 | "It will be all your fault- and everyone will know it." |
| 412 | "If there is a possibility of several things going wrong- the one that will cause the most damage will be the one to go wrong" |
| 413 | "If anything just cannot go wrong- it will anyway" |
| 414 | "If you perceive that there are four possible ways in which something can go wrong- and circumvent these- then a fifth way- unprepared for- will promptly develop" |
| 415 | "Left to themselves- things tend to go from bad to worse" |
| 416 | "If everything seems to be going well- you have obviously overlooked something" |
| 417 | "Nature always sides with the hidden flaw" |
| 418 | "Mother nature is a bitch - and not an obedient one at that" |
| 419 | "Murphy's Law of Thermodynamics : Things get worse under pressure." |
| 420 | "The Murphy Philosophy : Smile . . . tomorrow will be worse." |
| 421 | "Murphy's Constant : Matter will be damaged in direct proportion to its value" |
| 422 | "In nature- nothing is ever right. Therefore- if everything is going right ... something is wrong." |
| 423 | "Anything that can go wrong will go wrong." |
| 424 | "It is impossible to make anything foolproof because fools are so ingenious." |
| 425 | "Left to themselves- things tend to go from bad to worse." |
| 426 | "Rule of Accuracy: When working toward the solution of a problem- it always helps if you know the answer." |
| 427 | "Nothing is as easy as it looks." |
| 428 | "Everything takes longer than you think." |
| 429 | "Everything takes longer than it takes." |
| 430 | "If anything simply cannot go wrong- it will anyway." |
| 431 | "Whenever you set out to do something- something else must be done first." |
| 432 | "Every solution breeds new problems." |
| 433 | "The legibility of a copy is inversely proportional to its importance." |
| 434 | "no matter how perfect things are made to appear- Murphy's law will take effect and screw it up." |
| 435 | "You cannot successfully determine beforehand which side of the bread to butter." |
| 436 | "The chance of the buttered side of the bread falling face down is directly proportional to the cost of the carpet." |
| 437 | "The chance of the bread falling with the buttered side down is directly proportional to the cost of the carpet." |
| 438 | "A falling object will always land where it can do the most damage." |
| 439 | "A shatterproof object will always fall on the only surface hard enough to crack or break it." |
| 440 | "A paint drip will always find the hole in the newspaper and land on the carpet underneath (and will not be discovered until it has dried)." |
| 441 | "A dropped power tool will always land on the concrete instead of the soft ground (if outdoors) or the carpet (if indoors) - unless it is running- in which case it will fall on something it can damage (like your foot)." |
| 442 | "If a dish is dropped while removing it from the cupboard- it will hit the sink- breaking the dish and chipping or denting the sink in the process." |
| 443 | "A valuable dropped item will always fall into an inaccessible place (a diamond ring down the drain- for example) - or into the garbage disposal while it is running." |
| 444 | "If you use a pole saw to saw a limb while standing on an aluminum ladder borrowed from your neighbor- the limb will fall in such a way as to bend the ladder before it knocks you to the ground." |
| 445 | "If you pick up a chunk of broken concrete and try to pitch it into an adjacent lot- it will hit a tree limb and come down right on the driver's side of your car windshield." |
| 446 | "The greater the value of the rug- the greater the probability that the cat will throw up on it." |
| 447 | "You will always find something in the last place you look." |
| 448 | "If your looking for more than one thing- you'll find the most important one last." |
| 449 | "It is never in the last place you look. It is in the first place you look- but never discovered on the first attempt." |
| 450 | "After you bought a replacement for something you've lost and searched for everywhere- you'll find the original." |
| 451 | "You have to look where you lost it." |
| 452 | "No matter how long or how hard you shop for an item- after you've bought it- it will be on sale somewhere cheaper." |
| 453 | "The other line always moves faster." |
| 454 | "In order to get a personal loan- you must first prove you don't need it." |
| 455 | "Anything you try to fix will take longer and cost you more than you thought." |
| 456 | "If you fool around with a thing for very long you will screw it up." |
| 457 | "If it jams - force it. If it breaks- it needed replacing anyway." |
| 458 | "When a broken appliance is demonstrated for the repairman- it will work perfectly." |
| 459 | "Build a system that even a fool can use- and only a fool will use it." |
| 460 | "Everyone has a scheme for getting rich that will not work." |
| 461 | "In any hierarchy- each individual rises to his own level of incompetence- and then remains there." |
| 462 | "There's never time to do it right- but there's always time to do it over." |
| 463 | "When in doubt- mumble. When in trouble- delegate." |
| 464 | "Anything good in life is either illegal- immoral or fattening." |
| 465 | "Murphy's golden rule: whoever has the gold makes the rules." |
| 466 | "A Smith & Wesson beats four aces." |
| 467 | "In case of doubt- make it sound convincing." |
| 468 | "Never argue with a fool- people might not know the difference." |
| 469 | "Whatever hits the fan will not be evenly distributed." |
| 470 | "No good deed goes unpunished - Mark Twain" |
| 471 | "Where patience fails- force prevails." |
| 472 | "Erma Bombeck: Anything dropped in the bathroom will fall in the toilet." |
| 473 | "If you want something bad enough- chances are you won't get it." |
| 474 | "If you think you are doing the right thing- chances are it will back-fire in your face." |
| 475 | "When waiting for traffic- chances are that when one lane clears the other is congested." |
| 476 | "Just when you think things cannot get any worse- they will." |
| 477 | "Remember the 'Boomer-rang' effect; Whatever you do will always come back." |
| 478 | "If you re-act to actions- you've acted on actions." |
| 479 | "He who angers you controls you- therefore you have no control over your anger." |
| 480 | "Any time you put an item in a 'safe place'- it will never be seen again." |
| 481 | "Your best golf shots always occur when playing alone." |
| 482 | "The worst golf shots always occur when playing with someone you are trying to impress." |
| 483 | "No matter how hard you try- you cannot push a string." |
| 484 | "The fish are always biting....yesterday!" |
| 485 | "You will never leave a parking space without someone in an adjacent space leaving at the same time." |
| 486 | "The cost of the hair do is directly related to the strength of the wind." |
| 487 | "Great ideas are never remembered and dumb statements are never forgotten." |
| 488 | "The clothes washer/dryer will only eat one of each pair of socks." |
| 489 | "When you see light at the end of the tunnel- the tunnel will cave in." |
| 490 | "The light at the end of the tunnel is a train" |
| 491 | "Cole's Law: Thinly sliced cabbage. (Think about it a minute)" |
| 492 | "Being dead right- won't make you any less dead." |
| 493 | "Whatever you want- you can't have- what you can have- you don't want." |
| 494 | "Whatever you want to do- is Not possible- what ever is possible for you to do- you don't want to do it." |
| 495 | "Traffic is inversely proportional to how late you are- or are going to be." |
| 496 | "The complexity and frustration factor is inversely proportional to how much time you have left to finish- and how important it is." |
| 497 | "Crespins law of observation: the probability of being observed is in direct proportion to the stupidity of ones actions" |
| 498 | "If you go to bed with an itchy ass- you wake up with smelly fingers." |
| 499 | "A knowledge of Murphy's Law is no help in any situation." |
| 500 | "If you apply Murphy's Law- it will no longer be applicable." |
| 501 | "If you say something- and stake your reputation on it- you will lose your reputation." |
| 502 | "no matter where I go- there I am" |
| 503 | "Where patience fails- force prevails." |
| 504 | "Murphy's Law Current Revision : Any thing that can go wrong- HAS Already Gone Wrong! You just haven't been notified." |
| 505 | "The most exciting phrase to hear in science- the one that heralds new discoveries- is not 'Eureka!' but 'That's funny...' - Isaac Asimov" |
| 506 | "If many things can go wrong- they will all go wrong at the same time." |
| 507 | "If anything can go wrong- it will happen to the crankiest person." |
| 508 | "Waxman's Law: Everything tastes more or less like chicken." |
| 509 | "Skarstad's Observation: You will never find any more loose change than you have already lost." |
| 510 | "If authority was mass- stupidity would be gravity." |
| 511 | "If anything was worth doing- it would've already been done." |
| 512 | "You can do anything except light a paper match on a marshmallow under water" |
| 513 | "Ants will always infest the nearest food cupboard." |
| 514 | "Long's Law : Those who know the least will always know it the loudest." |
| 515 | "McFalls' Maxim : No degree of acceptance can ever change the facts." |
| 516 | "You may come to terms with being screwed- but nevertheless you're still screwed." |
| 517 | "Beauty is only skin deep- fashion even shallower." |
| 518 | "An expert is someone with an opinion and a word processor." |
| 519 | "All pornography is air-brushed or computer-enhanced." |
| 520 | "A person without values or standards can never be a hypocrite." |
| 521 | "We can give you a diploma- but we can't give you a brain." |
| 522 | "Don't get into a pissing contest with a skunk." |
| 523 | "Just because you CAN do something doesn't mean you SHOULD." |
| 524 | "Garbage abhors a vacuum. It will grow to fill available space." |
| 525 | "Paper is always strongest at the perforation." |
| 526 | "Things are never as good as they are bad." |
| 527 | "Chaos always wins- because it's better organized." |
| 528 | "The Wingwalker's Rule: Don't let go of something until you have a hold of something else." |
| 529 | "A bird in the hand is messy." |
| 530 | "The mud that won't come off on the doormat immediately adheres to the carpet." |
| 531 | "When you wear new shoes for the first time- everyone will step on them." |
| 532 | "If Murphy's law is correct- everything East of the San Andreas Fault will slide into the Atlantic - Steven Wright" |
| 533 | "If Murphy's Law can go wrong it will." |
| 534 | "Cheer up- the worst is yet to come..." |
| 535 | "If at first you don't succeed destroy all evidence that you ever tried." |
| 536 | "Mrs. Murphy's Law: If anything can go wrong it will go wrong when Mr. Murphy is out of town...." |
| 537 | "If all else fails- hit it with a big hammer." |
| 538 | "Warneke Law : You cannot force Murphy's Law to happen and you can't use it in reverse." |
| 539 | "When something goes wrong- you cannot find the solution in the instruction booklet- but someone else always does." |
| 540 | "Everything in life is important- important things are simple- simple things are never easy." |
| 541 | "It takes forever to learn the rules and once you've learned them they change again." |
| 542 | "The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds- the pessimist fears this is true." |
| 543 | "You will find an easy way to do it- after you've finished doing it." |
| 544 | "Hofstadter's Law: It always takes longer than you think- even when you take into account Hofstadter's Law." |
| 545 | "In Las Vegas- wherever you want to go in a casino- it's as far as possible from where you are- no matter where you are." |
| 546 | "The wind will always blow opposite to your hairdo" |
| 547 | "The probability of the toast landing peanut-butter-side-down is directly proportionate to the cost of the carpeting." |
| 548 | "Laundry Math:1 Washer + 1 Dryer + 2 Socks = 1 Sock" |
| 549 | "Window polishing: It's always on the other side." |
| 550 | "Hall's Law: Anyone who isn't paranoid simply isn't paying attention." |
| 551 | "A valuable falling in a hard to reach place will be exactly at the distance of the tip of your fingers." |
| 552 | "If a valuable falls in a hard to reach place at a distance shorter than the tip of your finger- as soon as you try to reach it you'll push it to that distance." |
| 553 | "Two heads are better than one- even if one is a sheep head." |
| 554 | "The probability of rain is inversely proportional to the size of the umbrella you carry around with you all day." |
| 555 | "No matter how hard you try- every once in a while- something is going right." |
| 556 | "Behind every little problem there's a larger problem- waiting for the little problem to get out of the way." |
| 557 | "When you really need something- its either not available- or can't be found. When you don't need it- its either available- or lays around in plain sight." |
| 558 | "Whenever you cut your finger nails- you find a need for them an hour later." |
| 559 | "Law of Conservation of Filth: In order for something to get clean- something else must get dirty." |
| 560 | "The file you are looking for is always at the bottom of the largest pile." |
| 561 | "Nothing is impossible for the man who doesn't have to do it himself." |
| 562 | "Gumperson's Law: The likelihood of something happening is in inverse proportion to the desirability of it happening." |
| 563 | "Common Sense Is Not So Common" |
| 564 | "Power Is Taken... Not Given" |
| 565 | "Two wrongs don't make a right. It usually takes three or four." |
| 566 | "If the truth is in your favor no one will believe you." |
| 567 | "When things go from bad to worse- the cycle repeats." |
| 568 | "Laws are like a spider web- in that it snares the poor and weak while the rich and powerful break them." |
| 569 | "The key to happiness is to be O.K. with not being O.K." |
| 570 | "Stupidity is the fundamental driving force of the Universe- which explains why stupid people always go wrong." |
| 571 | "Every rule has an exception except the Rule of Exceptions." |
| 572 | "If your action has a 50% possibility of being correct- you will be wrong 75% of the time." |
| 573 | "If you plan for something to go wrong- and it doesn't go wrong- it would have been ultimately profitable for it to go wrong." |
| 574 | "The difference between Stupidity and Genius is that Genius has its limits." |
| 575 | "The universe is great enough for all possibilities to exist." |
| 576 | "Those who don't take decisions never make mistakes." |
| 577 | "The only price you pay for greatness is knowing that it can't last forever." |
| 578 | "Anything that cant possible in a million years go wrong- will go wrong." |
| 579 | "Anything that seems right- is putting you into a false sense of security." |
| 580 | "If everything seems great- its already gone wrong." |
| 581 | "The only time you're right- is when its about being wrong." |
| 582 | "The only times something's right- is when everyone agrees its wrong." |
| 583 | "The last five laws were sent by Thomas Wrobel" |
| 584 | "If for some reason Murphy's Law fails to operate- it is building up for something big." |
| 585 | "The big catastrophes are made up of smaller ones." |
| 586 | "The probability that something can go wrong is directly proportional to the square of the amount of inconvenience it can cause you" |
| 587 | "Everything that could possibly go wrong for anyone else always seems to happen to you" |
| 588 | "In any particular situation- if three things can go wrong- they usually do in sequence- each facilitating the occurrence of the next" |
| 589 | "The last three laws were sent by Takura Razemba" |
| 590 | "The person ahead of you in the queue- will have the most complex transaction possible" |
| 591 | "Every problem is replaceable with a bigger one." |
| 592 | "Another name for Murphy's law: The law of conservation of misery" |
| 593 | "If in a particular circumstance Murphy's law doesn't apply- then something must be wrong" |
| 594 | "If Murphy's law is right then it will go wrong" |
| 595 | "The more important it is to get to a website- the greater the chance the server is down." |
| 596 | "The More the number of laws you claim to have- the more the number of laws you are going to miss." |
| 597 | "Remember: Shit happens" |
| 598 | "The perversity of the universe tends to a maximum - Larry Nivens" |
| 599 | "The road to success is always under construction" |
| 600 | "If in a series events that could have gone wrong and didn't- It will have been ultimately beneficial for them to have gone wrong in the first place." |
| 601 | "Bralek's Rule for Success: Trust only those who stand to lose as much as you." |
| 602 | "whatever was supposed to happen- won't" |
| 603 | "You can't expect the unexpected- otherwise there would be no need for the word unexpected" |
| 604 | "You cant reason with the stupid" |
| 605 | "In any given situation- people will act so as to display the maximum possible amount of stupidity for that situation." |
| 606 | "What goes in must come out. Unless it's the other way around." |
| 607 | "Better to be a pessimist than an optimist because when you say the glass is half empty it will have to be refilled" |
| 608 | "Sooner or later- you will spill your beer" |
| 609 | "West is always East of somewhere" |
| 610 | "Instruction manuals are for losers" |
| 611 | "You're only lost if you admit it" |
| 612 | "If gravity is all around us- why can't you push a fat dog down the stairs?" |
| 613 | "A spoon placed in the sink will locate to maximize splash from the faucet" |
| 614 | "All horizontal surfaces shall be filled to capacity" |
| 615 | "Anything worth doing is well worth over-doing" |
| 616 | "It's not the drop that kills you.... its the sudden stop" |
| 617 | "Why do we park in driveways- but drive on parkways?" |
| 618 | "Why does a male dog lick his own penis? Because he can." |
| 619 | "If God didn't want man to masturbate- he wouldn't have made his arms that long" |
| 620 | "Accidents cause people" |
| 621 | "Hey- didn't your mother tell you to get to bed already?" |
| 622 | "if u cn rd ths- u spnd 2 mch tiem txting" |
| 623 | "Man plans - God laughs." |
| 624 | "So tell me- how did Wile E. Coyote pay for all the shit he bought from the ACME corporation?" |
| 625 | "Go ahead - YOU think of something smart-ass for up here." |
